I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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