Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
