I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
