38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
