Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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