i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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