is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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