hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize