You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
