I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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