it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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