Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
