At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
