So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
