So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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