nut hugger
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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