his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
