bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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