Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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