my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
