In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
