I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
