Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
