Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
