feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
