I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
