So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
