I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
