You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
