very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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