She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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