she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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