My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
