I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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