Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
