He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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