is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize