The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's never too late to be topless.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
