So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
