I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
