just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is wine microwaveable?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize