They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
