im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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