I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
