He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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