He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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