She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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