Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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