K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize