Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record

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(314): View more from Missouri

he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.

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(917): View more from New York City

Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...

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(205): View more from Alabama

I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?

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