There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
