I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
