I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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