sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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