Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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