scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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