he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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