Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize