I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
