kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
