Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
