I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
