Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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