OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize