Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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