dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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