you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
