please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
