Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
