Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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