I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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