You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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