We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
