Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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