I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize