I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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