shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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