we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
