So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
